B&B parody - Part III

[jeangrey]

Taylor’s Office

Taylor: (on the phone) Yes, that’s right. The blue pill in the morning, and two of the green ones in the evening. And if this doesn’t help with the hallucinations, we’re going to have to try the hook-up therapy. It’s proven to be extremely successful in the past. Oh, I gotta go, my husband, Nick, my husband has just come in. Did I say he’s my husband? And that I’m pregnant with Nicks child? Hello? Hello?

Enter Nick

Nick: Hello sweetie!

Taylor: He just hung up on me. That’s so rude! Do you think Brooke made him do it?

Nick: Yes, let’s talk about Brooke some more! We haven’t since breakfast and I was beginning to wonder if something was the matter with you.

Taylor: Now that I think about it, yes, there is something. An hour or so ago, I felt the sudden urge to dye my extensions blond. I wonder if that has something to do with the pregnancy. It’s like the baby wanted me to do it!

Nick turns around to roll his eyes at the wall

Nick: I guess you’re right, Taylor, the baby …

Taylor: Don’t call me Taylor. We’ve talked about this a hundred times already. Please call me my wife!

Nick: What, to your face? Okay, I can do that. So, my wife, I came here to talk to you about the lawsuit against Forrester Originals. Well, I just talked to Eric, and he already knew everything about it. How is this possible?

Taylor blushes, tries to hide behind her breasts

Taylor: I may have something to confess, or maybe not. I need a minute to figure out whether I can blame this on Brooke or not. I’ll be right with you!

Nick: Okay.

goes over to the window to bemoan his fate some more



At the Forrester mansion. Stephanie flies in through the window and crashlands her broom on the coffeetable.

Eric: You’re back! Thank God! It was high time that somebody came and took me for a walk.

Stephanie: Jeesh, Eric, don’t be overdramatic! Just because I keep you on a short leash that doesn't mean that you can't go pee whenever you want to.

Eric: That was one not so smooth landing! Did something happen to upset you? Did Ridgiepooh get into trouble at the playground again? Didn’t you tell Katherine to never let him out of her sight?

Stefanie: (snappishly) No, it’s not Ridge. Not this time. It’s something infinitely more important than Ridge …

Eric’s jaw drops

To be continued...

[jeangrey]

Eric: More important … than … Ridge???

Stephanie: I fail to understand what’s so strange about that. It’s not like I’m one of those obsessive mothers who can’t stop talking about their children and interfering with their lives.

Eric chokes on a dog biscuit. Stephanie absentmindedly admires an oilpainting of Ridge hanging on the wall, oblivious to her suffocating husband rolling around on the floor clutching his throat.

Stephanie: I like to think of myself as a mother who knows when it’s time to let her only child, uhm, sorry, her children go. Damn, I keep forgetting about those other two, three, I mean! What were their names again? I think I’ve written them down somewhere.

rummages through the pockets of her lilac pantsuit. Eric manages to pull himself up

Eric: So what’s so important that it makes an experienced flier like you lurch like that?

Stephanie: Ridge’s wedding!

Eric: Thank good! You’re alright.

Stephanie: No, no, I’m not alright. I just can’t decide who gets to be Ridge’s bride!

Eric: But didn’t you decide that Ashley was to be “the lucky one”?

Stephanie: What’s with the air quotes, Eric?

Eric: ‘m sorry!

Stephanie: You should be! Yes, only yesterday I was sure that it was Ashley who I was going to ask to marry him, but today I just don’t know. That Katie Logan girl really impressed me. And now Taylor babbled about Nick’s plan. I’m sure that deep inside she still thinks of me as her mother-in-law. It’s heartbreaking, or it would be, if I had a heart. She just can’t let go of me, no matter how many times I kick her when she’s already down. That’s got to count for something.

Eric: But is it really such a good time for her to get married to Ridge again, given that she only just married Nick and is having his baby?

Stephanie: (raises her voice) Don’t you dare blame her for biding her time till Ridge was free again! Oh, this is so complicated!

Eric: How about if you asked Ridge for his opinion?

Stephanie laughs hysterically until her eyeballs threaten to fall out of their sockets

Stephanie: Yeah, right! Will do! Oh my Satan, I need to sit down!

Enter Felicia

Stephanie: The staff entrance is all the way round the building.

Felicia: But Stephanie, I’m you daughter! Don’t you recognize me?

runs away crying

Eric: Stephanie, you really have to stop doing that!

Stephanie: Why, when it’s so much fun?

Eric sighs, wishing his whole life could turn out to be a dream, even at the cost of never being born



At Taylor’s old home, where Ridge lives rent-free

Ridge: (standing in front of a mirror) I wonder, is 55 too young to get my own place?

Ridge’s reflection: Definitely. There’s no need to rush into anything.

Enter Ashley, breathing through her mouth

Ashley: Ridge, have you changed your sheets at all since Taylor moved out?

Ridge: No, I haven’t. I don’t know how to do that. Why, what’s wrong with them?

Ashley is baffled for a moment, but remembers that she got into this with her eyes wide open

To be continued...

[Norm811]

Loved it!!!

Especially "At the Forrester mansion. Stephanie flies in through the window and crashlands her broom on the coffeetable."

I laughed out loud at that one.

Well Done.

[foreverbrookie]

Ha! So I don't know which one made me laugh out loud louder....

"Taylor blushes, tries to hide behind her breasts"

The whole dang Steph and Eric interchange!

Or
Ridge: (standing in front of a mirror) I wonder, is 55 too young to get my own place?

The dialog is just priceles! Oh do continue!

[jeangrey]

Ashley: Oh nothing. I can pretend they’re supposed to be brown. What have you been doing in here for the last hour? (hopefully) Shaving or showering?

Ridge: Gotta give you a big fat no on that. I’ve been having a little talk, that’s all.

Ashley: Not with yourself again, please!

Ridge: So how do you feel about our upcoming wedding?

Ashley: Your mother hasn’t actually asked me yet. It sure is a strange custom, the mother of the groom asking the bride, and not the groom himself.

Ridge: Well, that’s how we do it in the Forrester family! Taylor never had a problem with it! Don’t worry, she’ll ask you eventually!

Ashley: I’m not worried. It’s just … I didn’t get any sleep last night, with Rick serenading under my window. How do I tell the poor guy that life is not a singing contest?

Ridge: (waving his arms around Taylor-fashion, trying to make a fist and hurting himself in the process) Ouch! I could punch him for you if you want me to.

Ashley: Well, I hope that won’t be necessary. He’ll come to his senses, I’m sure. Maybe tomorrow night he’ll be in love with Phoebe again, and I can get a good night’s sleep.

Ridge: RICK AND PHOEBE??? RICK AND PHOEBE??? GOTTA GO … KILL RICK … WHERE IS … RICK??? GOTTA GO … KILL RICK …

goes on like a broken record for another 15 minutes



At Taylor’s Office, 20 minutes later

Taylor: Okay, I’ve come to a decision!

Nick: And?

Taylor: It’s not my fault!

Nick: Why am I not surprised?

Taylor: Stephanie made me do it!

Nick: Yes, mean ol’ Brooke, always out to get you!

Taylor: I said Stephanie! Are you listening to me?

Nick: Up from dusk till dawn, trying to stick it to you. Only had RJ to hold on to Ridge in case you came back from the dead. Telling everyone you had plastic surgery when actually you only gained a couple of pounds in the right places because of all that fattening desert food. Stole Ridge from you on 28 occasions. Drove you to the bottle by drenching a voodoo doll in whiskey, forced you to…

Taylor: Nick, I said Stephanie!!!

Nick: (winces and wakes up from his Taylor-induced trance) Sorry, force of habit! So how come Stephanie made you do it?

Taylor: Well, you know, the thing is, she was being so nice to me, telling me if ever I needed help with Brooke, I could always come beg for her help, and then it just slipped … you know. Really not my fault, don’t you think?

Nick: (lies through clenched teeth because of the baby) No, of course not.

leaves the room to kick a hole into the wall outside the office, comes back in

To be continued...

[Horsey]

Very good jeangrey

Personally, I can't tell that English is not your native language from your writing!


Thanks for the smile this morning. ;D

[jeangrey]

horselover said:

Personally, I can't tell that English is not your native language from your writing!

Really? That's so nice of you to say!

Thank you, Norm811 and foreverbrookie, the coffeetable is one of my favourites too and if anyone could hide behind their breasts, I think it would be Taylor!

[jeangrey]

Taylor: I’m having an old friend over for tea, by the way. Her name is Morgan. We had a bit of a falling-out in the past (once again, completely not my fault!) and she went a little crazy (Ridge’s fault!), but now she told me that she’s therapied herself by watching my “How to therapy yourself”-DVDs and is completely sane again. Needless to say, she is incredibly grateful and tells me she wants to pay me back! Isn’t that nice of her? Not that I don’t deserve it, but it’s still nice.

Nick: Well, you two have fun together. I have to go find a way to avert the new crisis you have caused. Maybe I should ask Brooke what she thinks I should do.

Nicks face lights up, Taylor’s changes color from corpse-white to purple



At the Forrester mansion. Stephanie is busy making a list of pros and cons for Ridge’s prospective brides

Stephanie: Eric, how do you spell “manipulative”?

Eric: How the hell should I know? I draw women’s clothes for a living.

Stephanie: No matter how it’s spelled, it’s going on Taylor’s pro-list.

waves her magic wand to make the entry

Eric: Stop it, Stephanie, you’re not allowed to use magic outside Forrester Originals, remember?

Stephanie goes off in search of a pen, because in spite of all the ‘designing’ that Eric is doing, she can’t see one anywhere. She comes back empty-handed

Eric: So what have you got so far?

Stephanie: (sighs) I still don’t know who to pick. Should I go with Katie and try something new, or should I go down “the well-trodden path” and give Taylor another shot? Ridge won’t mind the baby. He’s really good at passing Nick’s kids off as his own.

Eric: Ashley doesn’t seem to figure much in your plans any more.

Stephanie: Well, you fall out of my favours, you fall into them, you fall out of them again, you know how it goes.

Eric: Indeed I do.

Stephanie: You see, she’s sooo old, almost as old as Ridge, and she’s slept with Rat…

Eric glowers

Stephanie: Rick, I mean Rick, your dear son, and isn’t he nice.

turns around to mime throwing up

Stephanie: And then she’s already been unfaithful to Ridge, with Abbie as the result.

Eric: She didn’t even know him back then!

Stephanie: (indignantly) That’s no excuse!

Felicia: (suddenly back inside) No, it isn’t, mom!

Eric: Yes, it is!

Felicia: You’re so right, dad!

Stephanie: Be a doll, Sweetie, and go away, you’re giving mommy a headache!

Felicia runs off crying (again!)

Stephanie: Does she serve any purpose at all? I don’t know why she’s even on the show!

Eric: Show? What show? What are you talking about?

Stephanie: Oh, nothing, Honey! (aside) That was close! To think that after decades of keeping him in the dark about this I should give it away just like that! Have I been uncomfortable lying to him for more than twenty years? Sure, I have. Could I help it? No. Am I therefore 100 percent in the right? I like to think so! And Taylor agrees with me! She is such a good pet! I should really do something for her. I think I’ll pay her a visit. I hope my broom is not too badly damaged. It’s my third one this month already! I’m wearing them out like pantsuits, underpants I mean.

shoulders her broom and leaves through the front door

[jeangrey]

At the Marone mansion

Taylor: (hectic) She should be here any moment now. Thanks to the breasts and the giant pregnant belly even coming in through the door sideways is quite a chore these days. I’m really glad Phoebe was there to give me a push. I really don’t understand why people call her a talentless hack who tries – and sucks at – everything! She’s always there when I need her. And she has many talents! She’s so very good at lying, almost never has a breakdown because of it, and she is such an advanced tease. I was nowhere near as good as that at Phoebe’s age. I wish I would see more of her. And then again, who can be bothered all the time? (shrugs her shoulders)

an egg-timer goes off in the background

Taylor: Darn, has it really been 20 minutes already since I last said “Nick’s child”? How time flies! Okay, here it goes, “NickschildNickschildNickschild”.

walks into the kitchen to set the egg-timer again. The doorbell rings

Taylor: That must be Morgan. Can’t be a Forrester, none of them knows how to use a doorbell. And they always forget the instructions at home.

opens the door

Morgan: Taylor! It’s so good to see you!

Taylor: Yeah, it’s been a long time…

Morgan: (aside) … since I last tried to kill you. (to Taylor) Looks like you’ve been busy! Being the surrogate mother to your grandchild, what a nice thing to do for Phoebe at your age!

Taylor: I’m not that old. No, I’m having another kid, Nick’s child!

Morgan: (frowns) So how are Thomas and Steffie?

Taylor: (visibly annoyed now) How the hell should I know? I haven’t seen either of them in years!

Morgan: (changes tactics to one that cannot fail) I really loved watching your DVDs, they were very instructive!

Taylor: (goes into bragging mode) Oh, those little things? I made those while I was dead. I’ve always been a great multitasker. I didn’t even need to do any research for them, I just babbled away!

Morgan: Oh really? I couldn’t tell!

Taylor: The two of us are going to be great friends!

Stephanie materializes out of thin air

Stephanie: Morgan! Is that you?

Morgan: (with a diabolical smirk) Yes, Stephanie, it’s me! I’m back!

Stephanie: Great. One more person who wants to marry Ridge. That is just what I needed!

walks away muttering under her breath



At the Forrester mansion. A stage has been put up in the middle of the livingroom

Stephanie: The reason I’ve ordered you to come here today is, well, Ridge is pushing sixty and I thought it would be nice if he settled down with someone before I have to cart him off to a nursing home. So which of you ladies is interested?

Taylor: I don’t know. Technically, I’m already married. Oh, what the hell, I’m in! There’s no harm in having a backup, is there?

Katie: (comes rushing in) I’m here, I’m here! What’s so important that it couldn’t wait till I’d pulled the knife out of my sister? Do you need me to stab someone in the back?

Stephanie: You’d like that, baby, huh?

Rick: (who’s apparently also there ) Let’s have a very annoying and utterly mind-numbing contest who no one gives a crap about to decide who gets Ridge!

Taylor: Sounds great! Let’s make it “Whoever has the biggest boo…”

Everybody else: No!!!

Stephanie: First rule: there can only be two contestants and why? because I say so. So let’s say goodbye to Morgan and Ashley. Feel free to stick around, you’d both do well enough for Thorne!

Rick: (excitedly) The first task is: The Relato-meter! It tests if you’re just the right amount of related to Ridge to be his bride. Not to closely, but not at all is quite a turn-off as well! (breaks out into big fat baby tears) I recently failed the test, so I had to stop dating my beloved niece, Phoebe, who I’ll love and cherish forever! Ashley, could you come over here for a second?

Taylor and Katie both blow into the Relato-meter

Rick: And the results are in, isn’t this fascinating? (a rotten egg comes flying at his head) So here we have Katie! She used to be Ridge’s sister-in-law and that’s practically incest, that’s great! Taylor, on the other hand, only an ex-wife, that’s not much!

Taylor: But … but … I slept with his brother!!!

Rick: Definitely interesting, but not enough for a draw. Katie is in the lead, 1 - nothing! Everybody, I think it's time for a song now! Any requests?

Stephanie: Can we please get on with it! I promised Ridge I’d have found someone for him by the time he’s finished napping!

Morgan: (to Ashley) Can you believe how lame this is?

Ashley: Tell me about it! Wanna go grab a cup of coffee and talk about sperm-stealing?

Morgan: I would love that!

Both: (with expressions of rapture on their faces) Ahhh, those were the days!

walk off arm in arm

Rick: Now to the second task: question-and-answer session, topic “How suited are you to Ridge?”. First question: ‘How do you feel about triangles?’

Katie: Mmmh…
Taylor: Love them!!!

Katie: Damn, why didn’t I think of that one?

Enter Eric, pulling Bridget after him

Eric: Everybody, my continually screwing up daughter has something to confess, again!!!

Bridget: But Daddy, I don’t want to!

Eric: ‘Fess up!

Enter Ridge, still clutching his rattle and sucking on his pacifier

Bridget: Okay, Daddy! Taylor, the baby you are carrying is my child! It said ‘Marone’ on the petri dish because I was still calling myself Bridget Marone at the time. Please, please try to understand! I’ve always loved this man, and I just couldn’t get over him. And then there was the perfect opportunity, I just couldn't resist! Oh please, my beloved mentor, forgive me!

Taylor faints away, the impact sends Rick clean off the stage

Bridget: Ridge, I hope that you can at least forgive me!

Ridge: Why? What do I have to do with it?

Bridget: You are the father of course! There’s no way that I would want a child with anyone else!

Nick: But … but … but the sperm sample, it said ‘Marone’!

Bridget: Of course it did! Ridge Marone! Your brother! Massimo told him to get some sperm frozen, just in case all his children ran off to Europe and there would be no heir to the Marone throne!

Nicks breaks out into a giggly fit, kinda like a twelve-year-old girl. Taylor stirs and drags herself up

Nick: Well, Taylor, looks like your assessment of the situation is correct: there isn’t a single reason left now why I should stay with you!

Taylor: Oh, yes, definitely, you know I’m always right!

Nick: Well, goodbye then! runs away as fast as he can

Taylor: Nick, stop! I didn’t say anything! You tricked me! Wait, Nick! runs after him I can have more babies! I’ll have more babies right now! And this time I’ll do the in vitro myself, so nothing can go wrong! Nick vanishes over the horizon Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!!!

Exit Nick and Taylor

Bridget: I’m so sorry, I should have told you! I tried to get over you, but there was just no way that I could do it! And now there’s that little boy, only waiting to be born …

Ridge: It’s a boy?

Bridget: Yes, it’s our son, little Ridget! Do you hate me now?

Ridge: How could I hate you? I love you! It’s always been you, my daughter … my sister … my babysitter … my wife!

they kiss offscreen to save everyone the stomach trouble

- The End -

[simmiem2]

JEANGREY:
YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!!!! THIS IS SUCH AN ACCURATE DEPICTION, I CAN ONLY HOLD MY SIDES AND LAUGH !!!!

[jeangrey]

Thanks simmiem2!!! Glad you liked it!

[brickfan]

This is great. Thanks for the laugh

[karen3012]

ROFLMAO, that was absolutely hilarious Jeangrey.

I cannot even pick any favourite lines, because there were so many of them. Hag crashlanding her broom had me in stitches and by the time Taylor tried to hide behind her breasts I was almost blinded by tears and they have continued to flow freely until the very end.

[jeangrey]

Thanks brickfan, futurebnbstar, danke karen3012!

I'm glad I could make you laugh, given how depressing everything concerning the actual show is at the moment!

I see the parody as yet another way of defying Bell and what he's doing to Bricky and their fans at the moment!

[pds]

OMG That was hilarious!!!

Thanks for a great laugh!!

Can't wait for the next one!!

[jeangrey]

Thanks pds!!!

pds said:

Can't wait for the next one!!

Don't hold your breath, the show is so depressing at the moment it's sucking the life out of me.

[newestconvert]

ok... well....that was too funny for words! Thanks JG for a great laugh!! I was rolling on the floor!!! heheheheh

[Horsey]

Excellent jeangrey. I loved every word.

Like the others I was laughing through the tears. ;D

You gave scrambled eggs a whole new meaning. ;D

Part 2?

[jeangrey]

Thanks you two!!!
newestconvert, I hope there was carpet where you were rolling around!
Horsey, I'm thinking about sending it to Bell for inspiration!

[fcst]

That was brilliant. Really hilarious!
I love the relato-meter and Nick and Taylors dialog. I also liked how Eric called Steph, Satan. You slipped that in nicely.
It's the most laughs I've had from anything B&B related for quite some time.

You should definitely send it to B&B!

[jeangrey]

Thanks fcst! I'm glad I made you laugh!

[jeangrey]

Part II

At Taylor’s old home, where Ridge and Bridget live rent-free

Ridge: I must admit, when I first heard that we were going to have twins, I was a little taken aback. But when you said that you would do all the work and all I had to do was wear my father-of-the-century badge and strut around, I began to calm down a little. Now that they’re here, they almost don’t bother me at all.

Bridget: Yes, little Rigid and Frigid really are the sunshine of our lives. And you’ve been a great help to me. Remember last month, when you almost changed a diaper, if it hadn’t been for the big black spider that looked at you in a mean way? I really appreciated that!

Ridge: Well, I have been complimented on my skills as a father a couple of times before. Remember when I held your siblings captive, ahem, took care of them while your mother was unable to do so herself? I tried to speak to them at least once a day, and when that wasn’t possible (a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do) I told mother to talk to them.
(resentment in his voice) I really don’t know why they were in such a hurry to get away from me once the kidnapping was aborted. Ungrateful little sw…….eethearts, I mean!

Bridget: So how are Hope and RJ?

Ridge gives Bridget his patented blank stare

Bridget: Your children?

Ridge: Oh, right! I don’t know. I haven’t seen them since Nick moved back in with Brooke. Whenever I go to see them these days, they aren’t home. If I didn’t know much, much better, I’d think they’re avoiding me. But enough about them: let’s talk about us! Did you think about my ideas for the wedding?

Bridget: As much as I like the idea of your mom marrying us, I’m afraid that it might not be entirely legal. And don’t you think Eric is a little too old to do double duty as the father of both the bride and the groom?

Ridge: Nah, he’ll do just fine: after he’s designed a wedding gown for you and some dashing frock for me (even though I could wear any old thing and still look amazing), he first walks you down the aisle, then gets into position to be my best man, then gives a speech, dances with you, Brooke and mother (preferably at the same time), maybe plays a song or two on the piano and pays the caterers. That will be nothing at all for the greatest designer who ever walked the earth … in my footsteps, obviously!



A disreputable tavern. In a dark corner a wobbly table. Taylor lying under it, snoring loudly

Bartender: It’s time to get up, Miss, we’re closing.

Taylor: (semiconscious) Call me Mrs. Marone!

Bartender: You wish!

Taylor: (trying to get up) Hey, I heard that! So I’ve had a bit of tough luck lately. That’s no reason to call me “Miss”! I’ll latch onto a new husband in no time! I’ll have you know that I am in possession of a large reservoir of very fascinating male patients, each of them only too eager to take up with me.

Bartender: So that is why you’ve been coming here every single night these last few months: to hide from the untherapied male masses desperately in need of your guidance and your physical attributes?

Taylor: Exactly! Now please give me another drink!

slumps back into her corner. Enter Carl

Carl: Taylor Marone?

Taylor: (shoots up in the air, grinning happily) Yes, that’s me!

Carl: What are you doing here at this time of night? That’s hardly the right place for a classy lady like you!

Taylor: (beaming) I’ve always liked you, Carl, did you know that?

Carl: Have you been drinking?

Taylor: Nooooooooohhh! (covers mouth to keep the alcoholic stench from escaping)

Carl: I would understand it if you had. It must have come as a shock to you that Nick left you like that and that your ex-husband is marrying his ex-daughter.

Taylor: Oh nonono, I wasn’t shocked. A shrink is never shocked. Nor is she surprised. She knows precisely what she wants to.

Carl: So you weren’t even a little surprised when you had twins instead of just the little boy that Bridget said you were going to have?

Taylor: Carl, I hate to be the one to break this to you but Bridget’s medical opinion isn’t always 100 percent reliable, so if she says one kid, you better be prepared for two.

Carl: (all starry-eyed) Yes, that’s what I love about her: she isn’t perfect and above making mistakes. As you have probably guessed, I’ve developed quite a crush on Bridget, and it broke my heart to see her this happy with someone else.

Taylor: I must admit that I’m not horribly happy at the moment either. I miss Ridge! There, I’ve said it! I miss having his stench warble around, it was so soothing. I miss the way he smirks at himself in the mirror, all strong and self-confident. And I miss his motherrrrrrrr!!!!

begins to sob uncontrollably

Carl: Please don’t cry, Mrs. Marone. Maybe we can find a way to make both our dreams come true.

[karen3012]

OMG Jeangrey, thank you so much for continuing your story. I bet Tayscreech gave you some inspiration these past days?

I was ROFLMAO. Little Ridgid and Fridgid and Ridge's parenting skills. Too funny!

But you really got me with this:

A disreputable tavern. In a dark corner a wobbly table. Taylor lying under it, snoring loudly

Enter Carl

Carl: Taylor Marone?

Taylor: (shoots up in the air, grinning happily) Yes, that’s me!

OMG, I can exactly picture that I snorted my coffee at the screen and had some 'splainin to do.

Vielen, vielen Dank for a wonderful laugh in the morning!

[brickfan]

OMG

And I miss his motherrrrrrrr!!!!

Thank you for this laugh. What a way to start the day.

[jeangrey]

At the Marone mansion

Donna: I hate the man!

Jackie: I hate him more!

Donna: No, I hate him more!

Jackie: He promised to marry me and never did.

Donna: He used me to cheat on his old decrepit hag of a wife.

Jackie: The same decrepit old hag that tried to kill me.

Donna: How is that something Eric did to you?

Jackie: I don’t know but it counts!

Donna: It does not!

Jackie: Okay, we could do this all day, the important thing is: what are we going to do to get back at him?

Donna: We could force him to walk in on Stephanie in the bathtub.

Jackie: (clears throat) As nice as that sounds, I’ve come to realize that a bathtub is not the solution to every problem.

Donna: Well, you better come up with something else then! I’ve run out of Forrester men to seduce. I guess I could always try Thomas, but … (turns green) yuck! Maybe … Felicia?

runs out of the room to throw up. Enter Nick

Jackie: Nicky, what do you think we should do to Eric to pay him back?

Nick: Why mother, that’s easy.

whispers in Jackie’s ear

Jackie: (grinning diabolically) I really should have thought of this myself!




At Taylor’s old home. Bridget sitting on the floor with six-month-old Rigid and Frigid. Both Bridget and the babies are wearing ridiculous science geek glasses.

Bridget: So Frigid, which infectious disease of birds and mammals is caused by RNA viruses of the family Orthomyxoviridae?

Frigid: spits up

Bridget: No, I’m afraid that’s not it! Rigid, care to help your sister (who seems to be nowhere near as talented as I was at her age)?

Rigid: Floooooo!

Bridget: Very good, Rigid! You are just as smart as your father!

Enter Stephanie and Eric

Bridget: Look, kids, it’s grandma, and grandpa and grandpa! Say hello!

Frigid & Rigid: Blllllllllllll!